In my almost 45 years of living, I realized that I have been told many lies - some intentional and some not. These lies have been portrayed and offered to me first as rules or best practices.
“Truths” to follow to keep me “safe.”
When you’re growing up, you tend to think you can trust what truths are being handed down to you by the people who are over you or in charge - be it your parents, religious leaders, teachers, etc. So you choose to follow them until… you realize that “safe” does not always equal growth and definitely does not always equate to thriving.
Sometimes, “safe” means aligning with what has always been done or what you have always believed.
But then you live a little,
read a little,
travel a little,
see a little,
and hear a little more,
even if by accident, and you become aware that your experience doesn’t always align with the given rules and “truths” handed down. Then what? Are they true or not? Is truth universal or just for the privileged few? Do “the rules” make everyone safe or just us?
So I began to ask - Do they want me to be safe? Or do they want me to play it safe?
Playing it safe was not how I was created. I am innately a risk taker and boundary pusher. So, despite what I was given, I began to trust my instinct instead.
So I kept growing and quickly realized that there were so many toxic tendencies and unquestioned parameters being handed over to me. These parameters were, at the very least, limiting and, at worst, deeply harmful to myself or others.
Many of the rules or truths came from people and traditions that were deeply afraid of anything different, and thus, they lived angry and/or defensive. They were closed-minded.
They also came from people inclined to think that the world was inherently bad, and thus, everyone outside of your family or your group is then seen as suspicious, other, and/or possibly an enemy.
They lived siloed and wanted me to live siloed.
This didn’t sit right and feel congruent with my ever-expanding soul.
Several “truths” felt so exclusive. Many rules felt so hard. Yet, Life, God, and the Universe (maybe all the same thing*) taught me to be pliable, teachable, and open.
I wanted to learn. I wanted to explore. I wanted to keep growing.
I did not want to live fearfully.
I did not want to live small.
I did not want to live constantly on edge with anything labeled as “other.”
I did not want to approach anyone or anything different as a suspect.
I wanted to remain curious.
There’s a story about map-making in Medieval times. It says that whenever the map-maker got to a portion of land or sea that was undiscovered, he (intentional usage) would label it with a drawing of dragons and the warning, “There be dragons.”
This meant one should not go past this boundary because we do not know what lies beyond, and our unknowing equals fear.
And I’ve learned that FEAR will control you. It can keep you from moving on or out. They were, in essence, saying whatever lies beyond this boundary must first be conquered before we deem it as safe. Think about that…
It was all about control…not instructions for living your best life.
The movie “How to Train Your Dragon” is one of my all-time favorites. I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it, but trust me when I say that I have lived countless times over what I watched come to fruition in this movie.
The rules and warnings I was given about people, cultures, places, and even ideas have turned into valuable lessons when flipped.
“Don’t burn a bridge.”
“Don’t stir the pot.”
“That’s a slippery slope.”
The opposite of these directives has become gateways to an abundant life with much more diversity, beauty, and wonder.
The bottom line is I have much to share about my own life’s learnings and the boundaries I roughly moved beyond or delightfully pushed through.
Let me say - I think there is plenty to fear in this world - yes.
But there’s plenty labeled as fearful that you and I are missing out on.
There are people, places, and ideas to be joyfully experienced and learned from, which will expand you and your perspective. They can better your life.
So, I hope you’ll keep expanding too. More learnings to come…
Love, Melissa
“I divide the world into the learners and the non-learners.” - Benjamin Barber
“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” - Hafiz
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn't make any sense.” - Rumi
This is a wonderful piece you wrote. I believe our truths must align with our inner selves, as opposed to “the truth”. I think you spoke our truths in one.